I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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