I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
