He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
