6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
