this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
