Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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