i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
