Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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