I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
