Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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