i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
