I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
