do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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