I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
