So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize