I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
