Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
