the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
