I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
