The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
