Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
