The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
