Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
