I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize