What a fucking waste of an outfit
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
