Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
