It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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