Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Randomize
