So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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