Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
