"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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