it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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