I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize