What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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