First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He did a backflip because drugs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize