My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
