we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
