if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
