he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
