sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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