i jhust puked up my retainher.
I faked an abortion last night.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
