Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Randomize
