How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Randomize
