I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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