What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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