taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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