So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
