discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
