I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
