I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
