We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
