Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Randomize
