Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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