I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
