I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
