The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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