I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
