so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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