dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
