who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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