I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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