Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
