As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
