the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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