i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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