my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
