I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
