Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
