Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
