Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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