I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
