I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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