turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Randomize
