Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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