3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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