she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
