I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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