Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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